deeply-rooted-zvyk2

Finding the time

Fri, 28 Apr 2023 21:11:09 GMT

It seems like there is never enough time in the day

With a busy household of four children ranging from one to twenty, my nephew, 2 dogs and 1 cat; you can only imagine the chaos surrounding me. Finding time to create was a challenging task and to be rested enough to produce quality plans and structure to my dreams. Many nights I went to bed frustrated. Disappointed that the dishes weren't done, work projects were looming, and not even a second's thought to my vision.

Eating well was out the door, not to mention exercise, unless you counted the steps taken to run down a half-naked toddler that thought running away during his diaper change was hilarious. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months made it feel like I would never see things come together. Then one night, I had an epiphany...

I was going about it wrong

I would rush through an extensive list of things needing to be done, hoping to get through it all. And when I was overwhelmed, I would resort to doom scrolling and feeling sorry for myself. I was forgetting to stay centered and maintaining my inner peace. I was forgetting to meditate.

Meditation helped me cope with the stress of life. And eventually it helped me realize that life wasn't stressful at all - my reactions to life were creating those feelings. But I didn't need to react like that at all. I could grab my toddler and tickle him and join in his joy while slapping that diaper on his cute lil butt! So, I had resolved to change how I structured my time and learned to prioritize the things that mattered.

The first step to aligning your goals to your purpose is discovering what is important and in what order. I leaned on Dan Sullivan's 4 C's -

Commitment, Courage, Capability, and Confidence

Evaluate your current commitments and ask yourself if they align with your goals. Have the courage to remove things that no longer serve you on your journey. Just like you use commitment and courage to clear your path, you require those two things to create your future! You must commit to your mission. And you must have the courage to face the unknown and fear of failure. As Dan states, " Courage feels scary because you don't yet have the proof your commitment will pay off ". Only after you commit and have the courage to see it through, will you apply yourself and gain the skillset needed to become capable of success in your goals. When you continue to apply these 3 C's, you will eventually obtain the fourth C - Confidence, to continue dreaming big and accomplishing all that you set your mind to!

This is how I overcame the seemingly endless cycle of chaos and became more intentional in how I was living. My household, although highly energetic in its everyday routines, became easier to maintain. I started to have more fun with my family, and we enjoyed the time spent together. I was able to focus easier and allowed myself time to continue my meditation practices. This, in turn, helped me apply the right attention to my homestead plans and gave me the confidence to continue building a more wholesome future for my family. We all have the same amount of time in the day -

How're you using that time???

The Wasp and the Ladybug

Fri, 31 Mar 2023 21:35:04 GMT

Day 6 of the retreat was underway

A day of understanding attachment and how it affects our everyday lives was unexpectedly coming. As we grow, we are learning and connecting. We make attachments and joy & pain eventually ensues.

The meditation was long and hard, and I had been especially struggling with letting go of past hurts. Thoughts were accosting me from all directions within. All I wanted was peace from the onslaught and rest for my body and mind. The experience thus far had been everything I wanted it to be. I was breaking through barriers I didn’t know were there. Barriers on my path to enlightenment.

Past loves came to the forefront of my mind and the pain I felt when they ended earlier than I had wanted them to. As I sat quietly allowing the gross sensations to swim throughout my body, a soft knowing came over me. Love never ends. It’s carried with you throughout your journey. The feelings of sorrow and loss turned to a peace so powerful that tears of joy and relief fell down my face. THIS is what I had yearned for. The last day and a half had been brutally painful and filled with anguish and misunderstanding. It’s like it all fell into place. And from the peace, there came an even stronger outpouring of love. My breakthrough finally arrived when I stopped trying to possess my love and allowed it to ebb and flow as nature intended. All was not lost but waiting there patiently for me to let go and just feel. I don’t know how long I sat in that silent knowing but I wanted it to last forever. Nothing is permanent, however.

The bell for the afternoon break gonged throughout the hall and we silently filed out. Each person lost in thought and contemplating their journey today. I had clothes to hand wash, and I needed to keep my hands busy while my thoughts raced. “I can let go”, I reassured myself, “and it wouldn’t be losing but gaining peace of mind.” I walked down the hall to the quaint washroom and absentmindedly turned on the water at the sink. The loud “thwack” and sound of buzzing caught me of guard. Startled by the sound’s owner, I swiftly stepped back from the largest red wasp I’ve ever seen. It made me smile to think my meditation was so impactful that I care only of what was going on inside me then my surroundings at the moment. I went back to tending to my wash, but I kept a wary eye on the where the wasp landed.

As I started to focus on my task at hand, I noticed more of the small washroom. The evening light streamed through the single window facing the pathway to the meditation hall. The peace I felt in my last sitting was vibrating through me and I felt so calm. I felt a flutter on my hand, and, to my surprise, a little brown ladybug had landed on me. I looked at the plants on the windowsill and discovered ladybugs were everywhere on the plants and the windowpanes. Joy and love overwhelmed me again. Ladybugs were always a special symbol for me. I thought of the insight from my meditation and decided to practice what I had learned - to appreciate the love of a long and distant past. I realized love wasn’t too far away from me as I had thought. “Thwack” - the wasp hit the window again and jerked my attention back. It was hovering over a ladybug now and stinging it! I became instantly protective and splashed water in its direction. The wasp angrily swayed from the ladybug. I wasn’t prepared to protect my own self from a sting.

I asked myself what I planned to do if the wasp realized I was the attacker. Simultaneously, a thought seemed to come from outside of me. This is the law of nature, the order of life. The wasp uses the ladybug for food. And yet, my attachment to the ladybug made me risk being painfully stung. I inhaled a long breath and decided to finish my wash. It was hard to see the wasp continue its assault on the ladybug as it skuttled away with each prick.

Finally finished with my wash, I grabbed a nearby cup and laminated paper and stealthily trapped the wasp. It furiously banged against the see-through plastic cup, and I momentarily panicked. Working to secure the entrapment, I pressed firmly on the laminated paper on the opening of the cup. I wondered if the wasp could pierce the thin covering with its stinger. I didn’t want the discomfort of a sting, but I had to save the ladybug. I nervously shuffled to the door and let the wasp fly free outside. The evening bell rang loudly, and I gathered my clothes. The ladybugs were safe from their assailant. I felt guilty for disrupting nature but my attachment to the ladybug called me to action. The love was still there like a calm and steady undercurrent, and I knew it would all somehow be ok. The attachment could’ve caused me the pain of a red wasp sting but this time it brought me the pleasant surprise of a love I thought lost. Love can’t be lost, and attachments can have unpleasant consequences.

Sometimes in life, we hold onto people, places, or things that eventually end up hurting us. We think that keeping them held tightly on our terms will somehow save us from pain or discomfort of loss. But that is far from the truth. We must learn to appreciate what we have in its season and allow the memories to bring back the joy that we experienced during their time with us. Today, I allowed my attachment to resurface, and I was able to feel and understand what I had been suppressing for so long. The pain and confusion of a love that I thought was lost. I realized that I had so much more to learn on this path of enlightenment. So much to let go and to gain and I was ready for it!

Ask yourself: What or who are you holding onto that may be causing you pain? Are there memories that bring sudden bursts of tears of loss or confusion and pain? Sit with those memories and thoughts and allow yourself the grace of letting go. Think of how you would be if those feelings/people were not holding you back from your freedom. Analyze the feelings objectively and think of what in those memories or people makes you want to keep holding on. Then breathe in slowly and, as you exhale, mentally thank the feelings/persons for allowing you the sensations that they brought and time with you before saying goodbye. Do this as many times as it takes to allow the feelings to dissipate. Give yourself freedom from the attachments and allow love to replace any negativity that may have been residing in you.

The Retreat

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 22:28:16 GMT

Didn't know what to expect!

The time at the retreat was just what I needed! After years of wrestling internally with my Christian upbringing and the fear of going to an everlasting hell, I was finally given a relief to my anxiety. Life's moments are counted first in the breaths that we take. And meditation taught you how to only concentrate on those breaths and appreciate the present vs worrying about your end.

The constant barrage of feelings and my emotional turmoil was tamed. I was able to smile again and mean it. I couldn't wait to get home to my family and show them what I had discovered and yet, at the same time, I didn't want to lose the time I had to go within and discover my true self.

In the next few blogs, I will unravel the experiences of the retreat and the understanding that quietly washed over me and saved me from myself.

Getting Started...

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 19:17:57 GMT

When the idea of a homestead sprung into my heart, I was nervous ...

I didn't know where to start and I didn't know the first thing about growing my own food and sustaining my family. I knew I desperately wanted something more out of life, but I didn't know how I could accomplish such a substantial change while keeping my family of four fed and well taken care of. I had a long journey ahead of me but I was ready for it!

How it started...

In 2023, I had a stirring inside that I hadn't felt before. I've always been ambitious and striving for the best but this new feeling was for one of peace and purpose.

My brother and dear friend of mine, Mandi, had went to a meditation retreat years ago and the urge to go was pressing in my mind. I applied for the next opening and got my affairs in order with work and kids. It was a bit nerve wracking to know I would be leaving my children behind for 12 days to a silent retreat where I would have no contract with the outside world. What made it more stressful was my youngest was under a year old. Luckily, his dad could care for him and his siblings in my absence. As I packed my luggage and put it by the door, my daughter asked, "Are you sure about this?"

I gravely replied, "It's time."

Not knowing what it was time for. I didn't know what to expect or how this independent journey would tranform my life and course correct the trajectory of my very chaotic and highly stressful life.